办公室求生宝典

人家说
办公室座位不能太整齐
这样会让人家觉得你太闲












应该参考以下：











1.公文袋與檔案夾能堆多高就堆多高，讓別人知道有多少事在等著你處理
2.在四周貼滿便利貼，讓人覺得你有上百件事需要備忘
3.桌上放個時鐘，佔空間又可當表演道具，例如你可以突然抬起頭看著時鐘驚訝的嘆氣，然後繼續低頭msn
4.文件最好多到讓抽屜合不起來
5.放件小外套可讓人覺得你熬夜加班時需要保暖（放睡袋效果更好）
6.偶爾可放些沒吃完的食物在四周，讓人覺得你連好好把飯吃完的時間都沒有
7.桌上可放些維他命或是藥丸，讓人覺得你要靠這些才能維持你的生命
8.攤開的書，切記一定要與工作有關，至於要攤開在哪一頁就沒差了，也可以適度的在上面畫些紅線
9.可以將『蠻牛』等提神飲料空瓶放在垃圾桶，但位置要讓路過的人能看得到
10.放點簡單的盥洗用具，可以增加熬夜加班的錯覺

。。。。。。。
不过我的座位是一定要整齐干净的
我觉得如果我是老板
看见员工的座位永远那么乱
我反而会觉得他没工作效率
而且很不会规划时间
所以我还是坚持
座位应该要保持干净
但是觉得这漫画很可爱
所以贴上来跟大家分享:D

good night!

我明明是有很多东西要写
但是进到这里
我只有一个感想：“我想睡觉了！！”
晚安大家。

睡甜甜

我发现了一件事
新工作带来的一个正面的影响是
我终于可以在12点以前安稳的睡着
睡眠品质也是难得的好
感谢公司！
阿哈哈哈哈哈哈~~~
希望那个大忙人也可以每天睡甜甜。

乌龙淹水记

话说星期天晚上9点半
Man U vs Liverpool
我和老爸是Man U fans
这场球当然不能错过哦~~~
那天那场长命雨从傍晚6点一直下到N点。。。
10点多的时候雨还在下
我说：“哇靠，这场长命雨酱来下，不知道几个地方要淹水了”
老爸：“整个KL淹水我们家都不会淹到的啦！”
那天那场球
Man U (2) vs Liverpool (1)
Park Ji Sung, u're the MAN!!!
实在是太开心了~~~~
就带着愉悦的心情上楼去睡觉
一个晚上睡得很好
突然我听见我妈在楼下大喊
她喊什么我没听清楚
但是我很确定她喊着叫我老爸下去楼下
看了看时间，早上6点，是弟弟要去上学的时间
赶紧跑下楼，还以为着火了
结果。。。。
我看见客厅那边都是水
后面那个房厨房，客厅，store room整个淹水的情景。。。。
原来是后面房间厕所马桶的那个通去抽水桶的pipe掉了
排水口有个盖减慢了漏水的速度
所以才会酱淹了起来。。。。
还好我们家的地势不平
水没有淹完整个客厅，而是向大门流去
不然如果弄湿了那张大carpet，手尾就够长了
不知道要晒几天几夜。。。。
这个故事告诉我们
我老爸有[乌鸦嘴]的嫌疑！！！><;
我拿了块布在客厅把水擦干
然后我跟我妈说：“还好是干净的水，如果是臭的，我们就够力了。。。而且也不是每个家庭会经历酱的事情，我看我们也很幸运下”
我妈说：“Huat Arr, Huat Arr!!~~"
笑死！！！！

My new Email-Pal

就我一个星期的观察
我发现
要知道ABC今天人是在JB还是在KL
只要看他今天有没有email我就能知道了
如果他在JB
就一定会有一些原因他会email我
星期二他email叫我提醒他一件事情
星期三他email我一个我看不懂的joke...
[When u're in a book store and cannot find the book u want, u are obviously in the....]











ABC:"a joke to lighten ur day"
Louis:"((想到脑爆都不明白这个joke,所以我跑去问我哥))OMG, i dun understand the joke.."
ABC:"u must be kidding. Go to 米兰"
Louis:"((跑去问米兰后，米兰也不知道,但是我google了后知道了答案))she din get it too. Wrong Fucking Bookstore eh? now i know y i cant figure it out, coz the F-word is never in my life-disctionary ;)"
ABC:"Wah! tsk tsk....please....dont corrupt me, i dun undertand the joke either, it's from my aussie friend ;)"
然后email就变成MSN在聊天。。。。
我跟他提起G仔学长辞职的事情
ABC:"He wan a job? u have his resume?"
Louis:"((阿你不是不喜欢他蛇蛇底的吗？)) I guess u can figure it out urself ;)"
ABC:"Oh come on"
星期四我就奇怪，到了早上11点了他都没有email
结果跟西门开会的时候他无意中说
西门:"ABC is back to kl today"
Louis:"oh isit? i tot most of the time he'll be JB"
西门:"nolar, yesterday he email me saying he'll be back in kl, wan to discuss sth"
结果他五点去launching回来后
还特地在我前面晃来晃去。。。
后来西门和firefly为了实验一个"contingency plan"
西门去买了需要的器材回来
他们还很兴奋的跑来问我
西门:"Louis, do u wan to come n have a look how to try it out?"
Firefly:"it'll be seriously interesting"
我当然是不会错过啦！！
他们两个很好的，每次有什么很有趣的事情都会来问我要不要一起去看
我们640pm开始在s/w dev部门那边试
一群人有西门，firefly,凯文( senior s/w dev)，阿秋(s/w dev manager)，零(MIS),我(biz analyst)
对没错，我是最不相干那个！！阿哈哈哈~~~
那边有另一个senior Biz Analyst她叫克里斯
（（我觉得自从我踏进公司的那刻，这女人就把我当“假想敌”，以为我要跟她抢地盘。。。））
（（西门，firefly和阿秋都有跟我说要小心这个克里斯，她很八卦而且很喜欢搞office politics，而且很厉害每天在那边演LLB-->Look Like Busy））
所以我们一群人在那边一边试一边笑
她就去跟阿秋八卦我们在做什么
为什么我会在里面。。。。。OMG。。。。
7点多，ABC从楼上开会回来了
他会去他房间打了几个电话后
走出来跟我讲话
ABC:"Guess what, i sms G仔"
Louis:"oh isit, so wat did he say?"
ABC:"we're going to meet up, u know, just a drink((他的意思是“就好像我请你喝咖啡酱”))”
Louis:"hahaha, watever"
ABC:"Come on, G仔is good. Hey, is G仔single?"
Louis:"(([你酱问很GAY]的表情))wats the point?"
ABC:"is he single? I think i know his ex, from citi group right?"
Louis:"yeah he's single, his ex name sharon"
ABC:"hahaha,G仔is good"
然后他又进去他的房间打电话，回email/sms
不久他又走出来手里拿出一样东西
ABC:"louis, this is for u"
Louis:"((看着他手中的东西))oh....thanks"
是一个pendrive.....
开来看是2GB的。
后来我跟G仔MSN
Louis:"ABC juz told me u're goin to have a drink with him soon"
G:"hahaha, havnt fixed a date thou"
Louis:"he asked me if u're single"
G:"WAT? tat's scary!"
Louis:"tat's wat i tot"
G:"scary!"
Louis:"then he say he think he know ur ex"
G:"oh...hahahahah"
Louis:"but he juz make it sound so gay"
G:yeah, so did u ask him if he really is a gay?"
Louis:"too many ppl d, if im in his office i will ask :P"
阿哈哈哈哈哈~~

common senseLESS

前几篇提起那个死阿梅
因为那个test script是我写的
我不能做tester
我跟西门提起这件事
也跟艾门提起这件事
所以他们都决定了叫死阿梅当tester
结果要做test那天死阿梅很conveniently MC
然后丽娜被其他部门借去当launching的usher
我只好自己做多一次dry run test
结果发现那个settlement function有问题
赶紧交给developer去solve....
如果等到死阿梅明天来才test都不知道够不够时间solve...
不过我有提醒艾门记得要叫死阿梅update她的screenflow
OK星期四，那个死阿梅来上班了
我把test script给她，请她开始做test
结果她走过来我位子
梅:"ei louis arr, can i have the terminal, i need to update my screen flow"
Louis:"yeah sure, here u go, do u need me to set it up for u?"
梅:"((给我那种[你以为我是白痴吗？]的表情))By using common sense, i think i know how to set it up"
Louis:"((也只是两条电线而已))Ok no prob"
然后我就继续写我的东西
10分钟后
梅:"ei louis arr, y it say [please check phone line]"
Louis:"let me have a look"
梅:"wat happened har?"
Louis:"has 凯文connect it to the host already?"
梅:"yeah he did"
结果我看到她把电话线插在一个很错的洞里面。。。。。。。
Louis:"the phoneline plugged in the wrong port"
我换了port过后transaction就通过了。。。。
By using common sense u think u know how to set it up eh?
which mean u're actually common senseLESS lar?
Hell....

Meeting Invites

上星期五
我的下属丽娜请假
星期四那天我发现了这件事
Louis:"oh hey, 丽娜is on leave tomorrow"
西门:"yeah"
Louis:"so i need to back her up to do the tracking and update"
西门:"i totally forget about tat...hahahah"
我就跑去跟丽娜说，要记得update我那些progress
因为我们有一个大project在4月1号要pilot run
现在是很忙很忙很忙的时候
星期五的时候
我要拿着那个update listing跑去见有关人事
了解他们的负责事项的进展情况
在去跟firefly敲时间安排daily update meeting
4点钟的时候我send 5：30PM的meeting invites给相关人士
然后等待他们接受我的meeting invites
结果！！！！！！
超惊讶的事情是ABC竟然是第一个接受meeting invites
而且他的response是"accepted"
以前沙梨腻send meeting invites的时候
ABC都是最后一个，或者没有回复的那个人。。。
而且他的response一定都是"tentatively accepted"
他在他的response里面加了留言
叫我帮他弄个conference call打去给他他要听
结果到了6：30PM，firefly还在另一个讨论中
然后firefly跑出来跟我说只好cancel那个meeting了没时间
所以我就send meeting cancellation出去
ABC回复:"Man. Glad I'm used to getting rejected. Meeting cancelled for weekend?"
Louis:"Firefly called-off the meeting, they're in another discussion dragged for hours already. Maybe u should just "tentatively accepted" like wat u used to response 沙梨腻. haha"
ABC:"Haha. Hey! I'm getting better. Have a good weekend, Johor is abt to pour. U should check out the terminal ;)"
结果我们竟然把email当MSN来用。。。。
meeting cancel, hurray我不需要些meeting minutes~~~

Karma

阿~~~太多天没上来写了
那么多有趣的事情都快忘记了！！
首先，我们必须相信这世界有因果报应
没事对下属呼呼赫赫F来F去
自己做错的事情去冤枉下属又F来F去
种下的因就会得其恶果
星期一早上我前公司部门的一个经理戴罗辞职了
星期一中午我前公司部门的一个associate directorG学长辞职了
前老板是气到在那边跳agogo
在那边怪这个怪那个，可能也会怪我
因为自从我的辞职信后，陆续来了五个
2010的first quarter就6个人辞职了！！！
6/23=26%！！
希望他可以自我检讨一下！！
=================================
然后我在新公司被“欺负”了
我是under Product Development的business analyst
所以suppose我的工作范围只是需要支援我的部门
而且光是支援我的部门，我已经有5个大projects要跟了
结果另一个部门突然叫我帮他们写一个UAT test script
（（因为以前我在那边帮忙UAT很“出名”一下））
西门根我说他会帮我推掉
因为我是手头上还有两个很重要的东西要赶紧写出来
那个部门的Vice president是跟我很不错的米兰
我其实不介意帮忙的，因为我知道她忙不过来
但是她的那个下属那个死女人阿梅的态度是差到。。。
她跟我讲话之前只send了一个她画的terminal screen flows给我
梅:"Ah, so louis ah, so when can i get the test script arr?we need to present it to our client on wednesday u know?"
Louis:"But nobody brief me about how the system works, wat expectation for the test etc"
梅:"I can brief u right now, just tell me wat time u can get it done?"
Louis:"so im asking, what is the expectation? wat kind of test u wan?"
梅:"((一脸白痴脸写着[我不知道什么是test script]))wait arr i ask 米兰"
米兰:"hey,since the timeline is quite tight, i think a normal terminal testing will do"
梅:"yeah a normal terminal test will do"
Louis:"((我看[normal terminal test]是什么你也不知道吧！))ok, den pls roughly tell me the idea how this system works"
梅:"((6点多了，急着要回家))u can base on the terminal screen flows i sent u, u'll be able to understand"
Louis:"if i understand ur screen flows, i wont be asking this question, i hope u understand. and is ur screen flow the latest version?"
梅:"((又来白痴脸))oh....u need the latest version is it?"
Louis:"((整个是快吐血))yeah thinking at a more logical way, yes ofcoz i'll need to latest screen flows"
梅:"oh......coz hor dat day the vendor giv us the software tat time i did play arnd lar, i notice there's some changes at the layout, but i din update my flow wor"
Louis:"then i'll need a terminal"
梅:"okok, i'll go ask our developer team to give u one"
结果我们的software developer team已经忙到要死掉了还要帮她弄一台terminal出来。。。。
s/w dev的经理阿秋:"eh louis, i cant promise to deliver the terminal for u now,can i giv u tomorrow arr?"
Louis:"sure, they need to perform the testing, tomorrow is fine"
阿秋:"and y u're involve in this project too, hahahahaha ur name is really everywhere, can u tell me which project u're not involved?"
Louis:"hahahahahahahha, dat's something i wanted to know oso!"
如果他们的team太忙做不出来
我很愿意帮忙的
但是那个死阿梅跟我说完过后竟然就高高兴兴的回家了@@
我整个是傻眼！！！！！
TMD！！！
讲不会做就可以了阿？
我以前连什么是UAT都不知道，也不是一样要学？
靠！
fine, at least i can do sth u dunno how to do!!!
我就带着怨恨，一边写一边诅咒她
还好那时艾门和米兰还有在
我不知道的东西还可以问他们
Louis:"hey 艾门，wat's the calculation of the points arr?wats the formula?"
艾门:"oh, 梅din tell u arr?it's this this this this this"
我问了一些问题过后我真的觉得很气
因为那个死阿梅真的很多东西没有告诉我！！！
Louis:"ei, if im a quiet person and dun ask question, u know wat kind of test script u'll get?"
艾门:"we know u're not those quiet type, u're good, tat's y i ask米兰to request u as resource to write the script"
Louis:"......anyway, remember to ask ur梅to update the screen flows, it's not updated."
结果那天我用了两个小时写了八页的test scripts！！！做完给他们！！！
Louis:"ok, the 1st draft done, sending u and米兰now, we can only start the test tomorrow when the developer provide us terminal"
艾门:"wow, u're really good, shall we load u with more work?"
Louis:"haha, somebody might die coz i might accidentally kill some"

WonderWoman

今天中午等西门去吃午餐
结果ABC跑来打岔跟西门讨论一些事情
然后他很开心的说
ABC:"maybe louis u can involve in the discussion later on, i wan u to try on the SOW, have u written any SOW before?"
Louis:"no, but i can try"
然后午餐跟西门还有firefly一起吃
Topic of the Day=Alice in the Wonderland
Firefly: "Louis, how's ur first week? alot of things to do?"
Louis:"No lar, lots of things to catch up"
Firefly:"(点头）yeah, it's usually like that, u'll need like 6 mths to catch up, and only then u'll find urself contributing"
Louis:"西门，m i suppose to sit in the discussion tat ABC mentioned earlier?"
西门:"yeah, seems like"
Firefly:"because ABC likes u so much, we like u so much, 西门has a very good remark on u, so we have high expectation.(笑)"
Louis:"wow, thanks for the liking and remark, but dun expect too high at the current stage"
Firefly:"hahaha, joking on the expectation, but we do like u"
午餐后就帮西门弄东西弄到傍晚他就去开会了
很后悔今天留下来等西门讨论一些小事
因为ABC抓我进去讨论另一些大事
一小时的讨论中
我的名字出现了大概100多次
全部都是ABC讲的。。。。
ABC:"西门，just make sure u bring Louis along to attend all the meetings, i wan her to get more exposure"
ABC:"yeah i think Louis, maybe u can try on writing the SLA, anything u can refer me or 米兰"
ABC:"hey why not Louis u help out to firm up the SOW, so u'll get a chance to learn, u can refer me or firefly. If u google it and find some good sample which u have to purchase to read, u can email me and let me see if it's relevant i'll buy for u."
ABC:"I think what we're goin to do is to complile all the requirements and come out with a project timeline, Louis can u get it done by end of march?"
ABC:"西门，u bring both Louis and 丽娜 for meetings, i wan 丽娜to write minutes of meeting, then Louis can do some talking in the meeting"
以下删500字。
会议的最后ABC还说
ABC:"Louis, is it enough of work for u already?"
#$%^&*()#$%^&*()_#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#$%
我的名字和戏份是多到坐我对面的software developers阿秋都一直对我笑
会议后已经9点多了
阿秋还特地跑来跟我说:"Louis i think u're some sort of wonderwomen in the company now"
Louis:"yeah, i think he hates me.."
如果刚才的讨论要写minutes的话，我看我的名字可能会占去很大的篇幅。。。
过后ABC收好了他的东西，还特地跑过来我座位问我
ABC:"Louis, r u comfortable with the things?"
Louis:"(鬼脸)r u trying to kill me?"
ABC:"hahaha, is tat the face u gave lhh last time?"
((lhh=我的前老板))
Louis:"oh, no, defintely not."
ABC:"oh den wat?"
Louis:"i give him a poker face, so u'll know wat happen if i giv u a poker face"
ABC:"(笑)No,u'll never give me a poker face"
Louis:".........."
ABC:"but those things i gave u are good, for u to get more exposure"
Louis:"i understand, but all things at the same time, i dun know if i can cope"
ABC:"if u have any problem please talk to西门, i'll get more resource if u needed help"
结果我回到家的时候已经晚上10点了。。。。
我明白他也是为我好
也许他希望我能很快胜任那些事情
但是我觉得他们对我期望有一点太高了。。。
我会去尝试，希望能平安渡过接下来的三个月。。。

三个臭皮匠的对话

昨天因为想帮忙software developers快点解决他们的问题
所以留了下来把那些process全部再看一遍又改了一个version
7点多的时候ABC从某会议结束回来二楼看见我
经过我桌子的时候看见整桌的processes,
ABC:"Wah...."
我没有理他，因为没有话要跟他说
外面很塞车，所以我打算830+酱才回家
今天早上西门站在我座位前跟我update点事情
ABC刚巧经过，他也站在一边听我们的讨论
Simon:"Yeah, so in the next few days i need ur help to update the scripts"
Louis:"ok no prob"
说完，我们两人都看着ABC
Louis:"西门i think he wans to talk to u"
ABC:"(指着我）No, i wan to talk to u,and yeah 西门,wat's she currently working on?"
西门:"The systemA sop and some other thing"
Louis:"a rojak of here and there"
结果他们两个就在那边“讨论”了起来
ABC:"why the sop hasnt been signed off yet?"
西门:"because the previous PM din manage the project well"
ABC:"but have we fulfill the sow deliverables?"
西门:"yeah actually the sow all done"
ABC:"den y v're still changing the sop?"
Louis:"because they wan to enhance the software"
ABC:"but it's sth different from the previous sow?"
西门:"we've found out there's some features we can add on, tat's y v're changing the processes"
ABC:"if we've fulfill the initial sow, tat consider close case, if anything more like the enhancement, dat'll be a different story, Louis im sorry if i sound like a consultant"
Louis:"yeah tat's really consultant"
西门:"but we wanted to deliver sth good for the user"
Louis:"ABC is saying, if they wan the enhancement, tat will be a seperate engagement"
((他们好像彼此听不懂对方在讲什么酱的。。。一个是站在operation的角度，一个是站在consultant的角度))
((That'll be a Seperate Engagement是我当consultant的时候很常用到的一句话))
ABC:"yeah yeah, tat's the thing im trying to say, thanks to fill in the blanks for me"
讨论中ABC问西门为什么就我一个人负责那么多东西
另一个女生在哪里
((我有一个下属她叫丽娜））
然后西门和我就解释说那女生还不太熟悉，需要时间学习
西门:"dat's y i asked Louis to train her up"
ABC:"((wah u train ppl now的那种眼神))hahahaha, wow cool"
后来都是在讨论工作，细节就不需要透露太多
ABC:"so Louis, find a time I need to sit down with u to talk about the training and courses u wanted to attend and get certified"
Louis:"oh...ok"
ABC:"西门，r u goin to spore for the xxx exhibition? u can bring her along for the day trip, it's good for her to get some exposure"
西门:"the exhibition is actually a week thing"
ABC:"oh it's a week thing is it? bring her along"
我整个是无言。。。。
ABC:"(指着我放文具的那个organizer上面夹着的Twinkle的照片）and is tat a shih tzu?"
Louis:"yeah dat's my pup"
ABC:"how old is she when u take this pic?"
Louis:"four mths"
ABC:"wow cool, she's cute"

我今天6点多SMS西门后我就走人了